Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Okay... here is a non-Showtime series favorite. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is awesome. The offical website is here. Oh, you can also watch full episodes.

Discordianism

You have heard of the Bible, the Koran, the Upanishads, the Tao-te-hing, etc. But have you heard of the The Principia Discordia. Follow the link and discover the truth!

Showtime is Golden!

Showtime is running the best series ever. Go Californication and Dexter!

Breaking News! An Interview with Super Chihuahua

Breaking News!

Twisted Signposts has interviewed Third Finger Over Presidential Candidate Super Chihuahua concerning Republican accusations that, among other things, casts doubt on Super Chihuahua’s Hispanic heritage, challenges his patriotism, and his ability to lead.

Reporter: So just for the record, what is your real name?

Super Chihuahua: Yes, well, just for the record my real name is Bodom D. Bones.

Reporter: Very well, Mr. Bones…

Super Chihuahua: Oh please, let’s not be so formal. You may call me Super Chihuahua or Bodom.

Reporter: Okay, Bodom. Your name doesn’t sound very Hispanic. In fact, you have been accused of being a Beagle –like Snoopy. You have also been accused of having a ‘stand in’ Chihuahua for many of your political posters, like the one featured on Twisted Signposts, for the express purpose of trying to gain the Hispanic vote. How do you respond?

Super Chihuahua: Well, first of all, let me reiterate that I am definitely Hispanic. My great grandmother relocated to Juarez, Mexico, from Great Britain in the early 1800’s.

Reporter: Well, that explains a lot. Did she marry a resident of the Chihuahua state?

Super Chihuahua: Actually, her departure from Great Britain was one of necessity and so was her abrupt name change. She changed her surname to Chihuahua and died unmarried at the age of 13.

Reporter: If she went unmarried, how did the line continue?

Super Chihuahua: Well let’s just say she adopted the surname of an entire state because she probably entertained everyone there.

Reporter: Okay…

Super Chihuahua: Don’t look so shocked. She was just a bitch in heat. Were dogs. That’s what we do.

Reporter: Oh. Okay, it looks like we cleared that one up. How about the poster?

Super Chihuahua: Well, lets just say that an over zealous intern decided to have a chance to be in the spotlight. We’re trying to pull those old posters now and correct them. They may be worth some money once I get elected.

Reporter: Super Chihuahua, some people have challenged your patriotism. How do you respond to those allegations?

Super Chihuahua: I want to be very clear on this point. I participated in Desert Storm and almost caught Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Ladin while they were in a Baghdad Café. However, I was distracted by the Bourgeoisie Poodle and soon found myself doubting the necessity for combat. After that encounter, we started the “Fuck. Don’t Fight” campaign. Yeah, I know. It is similar to the “Make Love not War” campaign of the 60’s, but it was edgier in the 90’s –more dangerous.

Reporter: I know you’re busy. So we’ll talk more later.

Super Chihuahua: Thanks and remember, “Fuck the rich and Fuck Big Business!” Oh and should you want to provide corporate sponsorship for the Third Finger Over political movement and my election campaign, please send any checks, money orders, or cash to:

Bodom D. Bones
aka Super Chihuahua
10 Dog Catcher Circle
Hydrant, New York

We are proud to announce that Twisted Signposts will be the mouthpiece for Third Finger Over and the Angry Dog Direct Action Network until corporate sponsorship is obtained.

Giving You the Finger Diagram to demonstrate why the middle class is the third finger over.


The Pinky Finger:
The fancy pants pinky finger is raised in the air whenever the rich drink tea. Tea that should have been dropped into Boston Harbor! That’s right. The Pinky Finger is a Red Coat sympathizer just waiting to slip us back into the British Empire!

The Ring Finger:
The ring finger is representative of slavery and the attempts of the upper class to slip the chains of bondage on to the middle class by preaching consumerism, giving loans out that cannot possibly be paid back, and presenting lifestyles to the youth that lead them into a materialistic lifestyle

Third Finger Over!

The Pointing Finger:
The pointing finger is the blaming finger. It points to the middle class to pay the bill for all those tax breaks for the wealthy and the social programs for the poor.

The Thumb:
The thumb represents the fact that no one sticks up for us. They are too busy with their thumbs up their asses to help us. We now realize that it is time to stand up and face the rich and the poor and take back what is ours... except for those smelly thumbs. They can actually just stay up that ass. I don't really want them to see the light of day.

Anyway you look at it, the middle class is the Third Finger Over and we need to make a difference this November! Vote for Super Chihuahua and the Bourgeoisie Poodle!

...and now some special messages for our comrades behind enemy lines in the Republican and Democratic campaigns:

COVER YOUR NUTS WHEN THE DONKEY KICKS.

DON’T STAND UNDER THE ELEPHANT.

THE DOG NEEDS WORMED.

PICK UP SOME BEER BEFORE COMING HOME TONIGHT.

Gods speed to those poor men and women sacrificing themselves like that… brings a tear to the eye.

Good night and good luck.

Third Finger Over Nominates Super Chihuahua!

Super Chihuahua has announced he has accepted the nomination as a presidential candidate for the newly formed political party: Third Finger Over.

Third Finger Over (an obvious reference to the middle finger) is representative of the middleclass –caught between the elitist pinky and the wealthy ring fingers on one side and the trigger pulling pointing finger and smelly thumb up the ass on the other.

Third Finger Over’s rallying cry is "Fuck You!"

They have scheduled a formal meeting to discuss the finer aspects of their political platform in the near future. Currently, they seem content to run around cursing the wealthy and pissing on limousine windshields.

In related news, the Bourgeoisie Poodle has formed the Angry Dog Direct Action Network (ADDAN) as the militant wing of Third Finger Over. The Bourgeoisie Poodle is calling on all true patriots of America to raise a leg and piss on injustice. Since there is a lot of injustice, we need to have enough piss to cover everything –so drink more beer.

New Political Opportunities in 2008?

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the individual that came up with the term “cluster-fuck”. Unfortunately, this word has come to represent many things in America.

For example: “Cluster-fuck” defines America’s political system.

America's political system is comprised of two major parties that are almost identical.

You know what?

It isn’t a two party system. It is the illusion of a two-party system in which both parties are fighting over the scraps thrown to them by big business. You don’t think so? In the last election, the incumbent Republican and the challenging Democrat went to the same university and were members of the same elitist club.

These allegedly competing political factions blow minor bickering points out of proportion to give the illusion of major differences. But in the end, you have a country ruled by a rich elitist upper class that serve themselves at the expense of the workingman.

Let’s face it. The poor have a safety net –not a very good safety net, but a safety net nonetheless. The rich can take care of themselves and yet they still get tax breaks and kickbacks.

The fact of the matter is that the middle class pays for the rich-man’s tax breaks and the poor-man’s safety net. But what about the middle class? Who is looking out for the people working to keep their head above water and to give their kids a chance of a decent education?

Well I have good news. There is a team of superhero candidates out there looking out for the middle class:

Super Chihuahua and his bitch The Bourgeoisie Poodle



They’re in heat and ready to hump the leg of American Politics.

The End

I'm free at last! Tonight was the last cult (I mean cub scout) meeting of the year. Whew. I wasn't sure I'd make it out alive.

And I thought I was the only one...

So here I am, feeling guilty as hell for not blogging or even checking my gmail, and I look tonight and see that no one else is either. What a relief. I love you people. It's 2:30am, I can't sleep, and my left hand smells like cheese where I finished off the last of a cheese ball I found in the fridge. A more sane person would wash their hands but I just keep sitting here periodically sniffing my hand to see if the smell is still there. Yep.

On Tuesday I had to go to traffic court. About a month ago I got a ticket for having an expired tag while serving jury duty. I thought that was really shitty. And I stepped in gum. I was all ready to plead not guilty and the judge didn't even ask me "how do you plea"! He totally stole my thunder. He just looked at my ticket and said, "Dismissed on payment of court cost". I had a whold dramatic scene planned out and he RUINED it! I hope he steps in gum. I hope the pig who wrote the ticket steps in gum on both shoes. I hope the bitchy lady in the office at the municipal court steps in gum too!

Cheesy hand started to smell less like cheese and more like ass crack (can I say ass crack?) so I had to break down and wash me hands.

Anyway, I very rarely watch the news, but you would have to be living under a rock not to have heard that Oprah is officially supporting Obama for President. I like Obama and I love Oprah. I don't know if this is enough to get him elected, but when I write the great American novel she is the first person I'm sending it to. My personal favorite democratic candidate is Kucinich. I don't think it's very likely that he will get the nomination, though. He's about as left as you can get. I was really excited about Hillary running, a woman prez and all that jazz, until I saw her in a debate. She's really pretty conservative. I'm not sure I agree with her views. Is she sure she's a democrat? I'm not. One thing I heard that gives me hope for the future is the health care plan she and Barack have cooked up. I believe all Americans should have health care. Anyone willing to stand up to the drug companies has balls. I would vote for either one of them based soley on that issue. My father-in-law says all democrats are trying to take our guns away. Is this true? I look at Hillary and I think she could be the type. She'll never take my gun! OK, my theoretical gun since I don't own an actual gun. The family's general consensus is that I shouldn't have access to firearms. The reason Kucinich is my favorite is his stance on gay rights. LOGO, the all gay network, interviewed the democratic hopefuls and asked each one if they believed gays should have the right to get married. You should have seen them squirm! What is this bullshit about civil unions? Where did that idea even come from? Kucinich said (I'm paraphrasing here, don't know if this is exactly how he said it, so I'm not sure how to punctuate) it basically comes down to whether or not you believe in equality. He supports gay marriage. This is the most sane, logical viewpoint. How can republicans not see this? It makes me crazy! My ideal candidate would be pro gay, pro gun, right to choose (sounds so much better than pro abortion), pro health care, anti government, anti war, would do away with the no child left behind act and get serious about education, and leave the mexicans alone! They're not hurting us as badly as the republicans want us to believe!

So there you have my rambling spew. Happy Holidays.

Rock the Vote!!

I have never voted. I have never been registered to vote. I really don’t have any right to complain about the current presidential administration. However, I always invoke my first amendment rights and speak my mind (bitch and complain) anyway. America, please check out all candidates. We have the right and freedom to vote…use it. Check out http://www.rockthevote.com/ and register. I did.

Kid Rock, Waffle House, and Proof that God has a Sense of Humor

According to news reports, Kid Rock was arrested for brawling outside a Waffle House.

The article dealing with this subject can be found here.

This story is soooo white trash that I believe it might just bring back the mullet hairstyle -and not just for lesbians either. The imagery portrayed in this story is causing irreparable harm to our cultural DNA.

All levity aside, our news has become a factory producing the propaganda of fear. We have to be afraid of everything so that we can be easily manipulated. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, if we are constantly focused on our own safety, we will have difficulty in respecting others, developing morality, overcoming prejudice, and even accepting facts.



So we trade the rest of the pyramid for safety –and we feel bad about it. Soon, we cannot face ourselves or the news. So, we search for entertainment. Stories about Kid Rock or Britney Spears become newsworthy as our sense of priority becomes diluted with a need for comic relief.

But it is the people in power that get the last laugh as we become giggling accomplices to their atrocities.

Random Thoughts

The United States Air Force has recently punished several of its members in response to an incident that occured in August when six thermonuclear warheads were misplaced for several hours.

I've misplaced keys, books, and on one occassion even lost track of time, but I have never misplaced a thermonuclear weapon.

How exactly does one misplace six thermonuclear weapons?

Copperfield's Gambit

According to the BBC, a Las Vegas warehouse belonging to magician David Copperfield was raided by FBI Agents.

An article dealing with this subject can be found here.

FBI Agents were shocked to find evidence that Copperfield had performed in Iraq shortly before the Second Gulf War in 2003 and that Copperfield was personally responsible for causing the disappearance of Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction. A White House press statement quoted President Bush as saying, "Heh, heh! I told ya there was WMD's over there and finding them nukes in Copperfield's warehouse proves it!"

Pictures proving the President’s statements were released to the press earlier today in which six warheads that could be attached to cruise missiles were brought out of Copperfield's warehouse. Clearly marked as "This is a Nuklear WMD", the weapons were placed in crate labeled Minot, North Dakota and hauled on military trucks to Barksdale AFB in Louisiana.

Any Hydrant in a Storm

I am having difficulty in dealing with the whole issue concerning Ellen Degeneres and the pet adoption company. An article dealing with this issue can be found here.

For background, Ellen adopted a dog (not a baby, a dog) and it didn't get along with her other pets, so she gave it to her hairstylist's family. Well, the pet adoption agency found out and removed the dog from the hairstylist's house –stating that they (the pet adoption agency) didn't think the hairstylist's family was the type of family that should have the dog.

This is a statement on poverty. The pet adoption agency is basically saying the home is okay for people, but it isn't okay for their dog. What audacity! The pet adoption agency made a judgment concerning the fiscal abilities of the family and then acted on it. What's next? Will regular (human) adoption agencies in tandem with social services make judgments concerning the fiscal capability of new parents and decide to remove children from homes?

What the hell is wrong with America?

Bush: The Path to Enlightenment

Next Tuesday, George Bush has agreed to meet with the Dalai Lama. He does this a day before the Dalai Lama is scheduled to receive the Congressional Gold Medal and despite the fact that China has issued a formal complaint. You can view the entire article concerning this event here.

So why does a President who has enjoyed the support of the extreme religious right and has been called the Crusader in Chief, meet with the spiritual, and arguably, political leader of Buddhism? To get the answer, let's take a quick look at Buddhism.

Buddhism teaches that all phenomena is empty. This concept, known as Sunyata or 'emptiness', is a key feature of Mahayana Buddhism. When one has mastered the realization of emptiness, it equates to the experience of Nirvana.

I think perhaps this is the reason that the Dalai Lama agrees to meet with George W. Bush. Let's face it, if the ultimate goal of Buddhism is the realization of emptiness, then every time the Dalai Lama looks at Dubbya, he realizes that true emptiness is a mere few inches behind those vacuous eyes.

Come to think of it. George Bush’s brain, or lack thereof, is the epitome of emptiness. He is the living embodiment of Sunyata and the path to Nirvana!

Holy Pimpin'

Holy Pimpin'

For 43 years, nuns have lived and often worked out of a small convent on Los Angeles' east side, helping the area's poor and undocumented residents with translation, counseling, and other needs. In late August 2007, the nuns received notice by mail that they needed to vacate their convent by December 31. The L.A. Archdiocese plans to sell the nun's property to help pay for a legal settlement in its priest sexual abuse case.

The article dealing with this subject can be found here.

Wow. Let me get this straight. Women who have devoted themselves to helping the needy have to stop their good works, sell their homes, and hit the streets in order to pay for a bunch of priests that got caught playing with little boys.

Good going, Jesus. Way to keep the pimp hand strong.

As a society we have gone wrong. Very wrong. We need to make a change. I'm not talking about returning to the family values of some bygone era. I'm just talking about using a little common sense. Punishing good people for another person's bad behavior is just not right.