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Twisted Signposts has interviewed Third Finger Over Presidential Candidate Super Chihuahua concerning Republican accusations that, among other things, casts doubt on Super Chihuahua’s Hispanic heritage, challenges his patriotism, and his ability to lead.
Reporter: So just for the record, what is your real name?
Super Chihuahua: Yes, well, just for the record my real name is Bodom D. Bones.
Reporter: Very well, Mr. Bones…
Super Chihuahua: Oh please, let’s not be so formal. You may call me Super Chihuahua or Bodom.
Reporter: Okay, Bodom. Your name doesn’t sound very Hispanic. In fact, you have been accused of being a Beagle –like Snoopy. You have also been accused of having a ‘stand in’ Chihuahua for many of your political posters, like the one featured on Twisted Signposts, for the express purpose of trying to gain the Hispanic vote. How do you respond?
Super Chihuahua: Well, first of all, let me reiterate that I am definitely Hispanic. My great grandmother relocated to Juarez, Mexico, from Great Britain in the early 1800’s.
Reporter: Well, that explains a lot. Did she marry a resident of the Chihuahua state?
Super Chihuahua: Actually, her departure from Great Britain was one of necessity and so was her abrupt name change. She changed her surname to Chihuahua and died unmarried at the age of 13.
Reporter: If she went unmarried, how did the line continue?
Super Chihuahua: Well let’s just say she adopted the surname of an entire state because she probably entertained everyone there.
Reporter: Okay…
Super Chihuahua: Don’t look so shocked. She was just a bitch in heat. Were dogs. That’s what we do.
Reporter: Oh. Okay, it looks like we cleared that one up. How about the poster?
Super Chihuahua: Well, lets just say that an over zealous intern decided to have a chance to be in the spotlight. We’re trying to pull those old posters now and correct them. They may be worth some money once I get elected.
Reporter: Super Chihuahua, some people have challenged your patriotism. How do you respond to those allegations?
Super Chihuahua: I want to be very clear on this point. I participated in Desert Storm and almost caught Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Ladin while they were in a Baghdad Café. However, I was distracted by the Bourgeoisie Poodle and soon found myself doubting the necessity for combat. After that encounter, we started the “Fuck. Don’t Fight” campaign. Yeah, I know. It is similar to the “Make Love not War” campaign of the 60’s, but it was edgier in the 90’s –more dangerous.
Reporter: I know you’re busy. So we’ll talk more later.
Super Chihuahua: Thanks and remember, “Fuck the rich and Fuck Big Business!” Oh and should you want to provide corporate sponsorship for the Third Finger Over political movement and my election campaign, please send any checks, money orders, or cash to:
Bodom D. Bones
aka Super Chihuahua
10 Dog Catcher Circle
Hydrant, New York
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